Chronicles of a Minus-sized Nigerian

On Thursday evening, the staff bus dropped me off at Ojuelegba under bridge. I had to get a bus that was heading to Yaba. I got into one, one of those popular yellow buses. A plus-sized woman sat beside me. That was the most uncomfortable 10-15 minutes of my life. I was so uncomfortable. I pleaded with madam to adjust, for where? She pretended like she didn't know what the word 'adjust' or 'shift' meant. she didn't care about me or my minus-sized self, she made sure she was  very comfortable. She stretched her plus-sized arms and legs and I was almost dying. I even felt I was not supposed to give the conductor his complete money, but the Agbero conductor will not listen to that one. I didn't want anyone to insult me in Yoruba, my mum is not close to interpret.
Every Saturday afternoon, when I'm back from church, I eat two wraps of fufu and soup. I actually prefer fufu to eba. I don't know why my mum finds the smell disgusting. If it's about the smell, I wash my hands with soap and water and apply hand sanitizer. My hands won't smell that way. I am an unrepentant milk addict. I can consume more than 12 packets of milk in a semester. As regards food, I eat everything except moi-moi, rice and beans (the combination is awful), unripe plantain porridge and ofe-akwu. My mum doesn't care if you'll eat the food or not. Sister, cook the damn food.
What am I driving at? Of  course, I'm going somewhere with my boring gist. The list of food I don't eat is very scanty and they don't make people fat. I eat almost everything and I'm still like this. I  am just trying to tell you to keep your 'How to get fat' lessons to yourself, food is not my problem, sleep is not my problem too. Sleeping is my hobby, it's quite unfortunate that I can't add that to my CV. I  am not interested in getting fat and I am tired of trying to add. It actually feels good to know that I can eat the whole world and my stomach will still be the same.
People of God, I have a little problem. I want to know how to make the plus-sized person who has decided that my minus-sized self and I will be uncomfortable, uncomfortable. I want to stretch my minus-sized hands and legs and be comfortable too. Your suggestion is highly needed. I'll get into a danfo bus this evening. Who knows, the person beside me might be a plus, plus-sized man.
Photo credit: Ezeibe Aguwa's Facebook page.

My novel entitled Agonies is now available on Amazon and www.okadabooks.com. Get a copy today. I also have interesting videos on my Youtube channel. It's 'Time out with Gift Wogu' on Youtube and Gift Oge Oreoluwa Wogu on Facebook
I'll talk about a very wonderful show that is coming up in December this week. It's a comedy show called Cupid stories. It's a show like no other and I'm not hyping the show o. I don't know how to hype.The theme of the show is love. If I'm wrong, Chime Francis will correct me when we have our interview. Stay tuned.